


The Salt Coffee Prank

by kvaerx



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coffee, F/M, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:41:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27144673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kvaerx/pseuds/kvaerx
Summary: Replacing the sugar with salt before coffee is made
Relationships: Cassandra Pentaghast/Male Trevelyan, Male Inquisitor/Cassandra Pentaghast
Kudos: 5





	The Salt Coffee Prank

Maxwell woke to his alarm at 3 am. His eyelids were heavy and his bed warm but he forced himself up anyway. An hour until she woke up. It should be enough time.  
He made his way to the kitchen. Whether due to his exhaustion or the absolute state of the counter, it took him longer than it should have to find the sugar. He dumped it into a plastic cup and refilled the sugar bowl with salt. Task completed, Maxwell made himself a cup of coffee. He was careful to take his spoonful of sugar from the plastic cup even as his sleep-deprived mind wanted him to take from the bowl.  
The first sip was too hot. He’d feel the burnt tongue later, no doubt. But for now, he was too tired to care.  
“And now for food,” he mumbled to himself. There should be some of last night’s pizza in the fridge. The mix of pineapple, bell pepper, red onion, garlic, banana, and peanut butter usually deterred the others. Maxwell was happy to make them their own pizzas and make seconds or thirds if they were still hungry. His college years (well, his job during said college years) had give him exactly one skill and he was going to use it. But no. His friends insisted on stealing food from each other.  
The cold air of the fridge made him shiver. At least it helped to wake him up. Two slices of his pizza, wrapped in enough foil to keep radiation at bay, occupied the shelf that Josephine had tactfully labeled as “Unusual Flavor Combinations”. Food he made usually ended up there. This morning the shelf held his pizza, something Leliana called lutefisk, and a ham Cullen insisted “tasted of despair”.  
Maxwell took his pizza to the stove. It really needed to be fried the second day or the taste of peanut butter disappeared.  
A door opened in the hall behind him. He looked at the clock. 3.45. Not Cassandra then. She always got up at 4.30 exactly. Maxwell waited a moment, trying to listen for a grumble or cough that would give away who it was. He heard nothing. That was good, she didn’t drink coffee.  
“What did you do?”  
“Noth–” Maxwell cut himself off. One didn’t lie to someone who seemed to know everything. Instead he decided on, “Where are you going?”  
“The Chantry.” Leliana pulled on her shoes and raincoat as she spoke.  
“It’s three in the morning,” Maxwell said. “Won’t it be closed?”  
“It will.”  
“Don’t, err, die then.”  
Leliana smiled and left.  
It was 4.27 by the time Maxwell had finished his first coffee and fried pizza. He settled back on the couch to wait with his second cup. The three minutes until 4.30 were spent practicing keeping the smile from his face.  
Cassandra came down the hallway a few moments later. She didn’t even glance in his direction, rendering the practice moot. When the coffee finished brewing, she poured it into the mug. The big one, Maxwell realized. The 20 ounce mug that they’d given to Leliana as a joke. His prank was either going to be much better than he’d planned or much _much_ worse.  
Cassandra was adding “sugar” then. Spoonful after spoonful. He hadn’t realized quite how much she usually added.  
Maxwell couldn’t help himself. The words slipped out before he could stop them. “That’s a lot of sugar, isn’t it. Might cause problems that you’d regret later.”  
She glared at him and added another spoonful for good measure before stirring the coffee.  
Maxwell felt himself beginning to laugh and pressed his hand over his mouth to hold it back. There were tears in his eyes by the time Cassandra raised the mug to take the first sip.  
She paused, frowned, and drank again almost as if to confirm that it was actually salt.  
He waited a moment to see if she would say anything. She did not. Still laughing to himself, Maxwell stood and made for the kitchen to make her a non-salty cup of coffee. He looked back and met Cassandra’s stare.  
She took another long drink of the salty coffee.  
Maxwell froze.  
Cassandra drank again.  
It seemed to take both an instant and a year before she had finished the coffee. She glared at him through all of it and he didn’t look away.  
His laughter died in his throat.  
Cassandra raised the mug towards him in a salute. “Your turn.”  
“That what you say after drinking 20 ounces of salted coffee?” Maxwell asked. “’Your turn’?”  
Cassandra stood and vaulted over the back of the couch in one movement.  
Maxwell ran.


End file.
